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Jim
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| Joined: | Fri Dec 29th, 2006 |
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Posted: Mon Sep 17th, 2007 11:39 pm |
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A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day a
construction crew began to build a house on the empty lot. The
young family's 5 year old daughter naturally took an interest in the
goings-on & spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems in the rough"
more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot.
They chatted with her during coffee & lunch breaks, and gave her
little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At
the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay
envelope containing ten dollars.The little girl and her mother
took it to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the little girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller
asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay
check at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real
construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be
working on the house again this week, too?" The little girl
replied, "I will, if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver
the f*ckin' sheet rock..."
____________________
"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness." -- John Kenneth Galbraith
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Hillman
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| Joined: | Sat Feb 10th, 2007 |
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Posted: Tue Sep 18th, 2007 11:47 am |
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Jim, you win the "Joke of The Day"!
Let me try one:
A GUY FROM ILLINOIS
A guy from Illinois dies and is sent to Hell. He had been a horrible man his entire life. The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledge hammer. To make it worse, he cranks up the temperature and the humidity. After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Illinoisan is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune. The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?" The man, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Illinois. Hot, humid, a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!" The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the man's remarks. Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential
wind. Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing into his eyes, the man is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks. Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions. The man replies, "This is great! Just like April in Illinois. It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting!" The devil is now completely baffled but more determ ined to make him suffer. He makes the temperature plummet. Suddenly Hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will surely make him unhappy, the devil checks in on him. He is again aghast at what he sees. The man is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee. "How can you be so happy? Don't you know its 40 below zero!?" screams the devil. Jumping up and down, he throws a snowball at the devil and yells, "Hell's frozen over!
This means the Cubs won the World Series!"
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Jim
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Posted: Wed Sep 19th, 2007 04:06 am |
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That was GREAT!
Now Bush winds up in hell, and the devil gives him a choice of
replacing someone, but he must take their place, Georgie says
"Lets go for it" Devil opens up room one and it's Ted Kennedy
diving over and over in a lake. Georgie says "Hell I can't swim
that well, give me another chance" Devil opens door two and finds
Bill Clinton receiving pleasures from Monika under a desk over and over!
Georgie says "Now that I can handle" and the Devil says
"O.K. monika you are free to go!"
Is this too raw for this forum, I have another one about
a duck and a hooker!
____________________
"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness." -- John Kenneth Galbraith
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